Most people set New Year’s resolutions. Most people fail at them. 

And most people blame themselves. “I’m lazy. I have no discipline. I just can’t stick to anything.”

But what if the reason you fail isn’t because of laziness? 

What if it’s actually something simpler and something your brain has been doing for you all along?

Before You Set New Year Resolutions

We’ve all set goals we failed to meet. Waking up earlier, exercising, reading more, eating better…whatever it is. 

And when it fails, we call ourselves undisciplined or lazy. 

But no one ever asks or answers why it is actually so hard to stick to a path that leads to the things you want.

So, here’s the answer: your brain is efficient. 

Efficiency Is Survival

Efficiency simply means achieving maximum productivity with minimum wasted effort. 

And our brain is built to be efficient—almost to a fault. Why? Because it has a very important job to do. And that is your survival.

This means your brain tries to ensure you survive with minimal wasted effort. How?

Your brain doesn’t operate by thinking in years, months, or even days. It operates by thinking of the next moment. 

And what your brain is always asking is simple: “Am I safe? Do I know this? Can I handle this?”

It measures your sense of safety with comfort and familiarity. 

That way, you don't stress and somehow always know what to expect. Together, they make your nervous system relax.
This explains why your old habits feel safe, even though in the long run they make you feel small, frustrated, or behind. 

And when you try to change, it feels like a threat. 

Because ultimately, your brain is designed to protect you, not to make you a better version of yourself. 

And the most efficient (not most effective) way it protects you is by short-term thinking. But if you want to achieve the goals you set, you have to switch to long-term thinking.

Switching to Long-Term Thinking

So here’s the challenge: your goals require long-term thinking. 

They ask you to become someone your body doesn’t recognize yet. And that’s hard. Really hard. Because your brain will fight it. 

Every step. Every morning alarm, every salad instead of fries, every hour spent reading instead of scrolling—the brain protests because it doesn’t see immediate danger in your old habits, but it does see danger in the new ones.

Now you can fight it. But that's a harder route. An easier way is to work with your brain's desire for your survival. 

And you can do this in just three steps.

Step 1: Identify Your Real Needs

You’re not really chasing goals. You’re chasing how you think those goals will make you feel. Most goals exist because there’s a feeling of lack from a need that isn’t being met yet.

For instance, you want to exercise, but what you may really need is energy or confidence. You want to eat better, but what you’re actually craving is control or comfort. You want to wake up early, but really, you’re trying to feel productive or in charge of your day. 

So, the first step is to name that need. Be honest. Don’t hide behind “I just want to lose weight” or “I want to read more.” 

Go deeper. Ask yourself: What am I actually trying to feel, solve, or create by doing this? 

You might uncover motives that aren’t flattering — insecurity, fear of being overlooked, a need for control, a desire to be taken seriously. That’s normal.

Naming them brings them to the surface. If the motives stay hidden, they don’t disappear — they leak out through avoidance, overcompensation, or self-sabotage. 

But when you acknowledge them without judgment, they lose their grip and become something you can work with instead of something that works against you.

Step 2: Map How Your Needs Are Already Being Met

You might think your bad habits are failures. Late-night snacking, scrolling endlessly, binge-watching, procrastinating, you name them. 

And your beat yourself up for not being disciplined. 

But those habits are doing something for you. They meet a real need, even if they don’t do it perfectly.

Maybe you want discipline because you want self-respect. And your brain already gives you a version of that too. You plan a lot, read self-help books, notice your flaws, wait for the “right time.” All of these make you feel capable and insightful without risking failure.

The point is, your habits aren’t random. They make sense, and they meet a real need. So now you need to find ways to meet that same need in a way that actually moves you forward.

Start by writing your goals down. Then write the need behind it. 

Next, list the ways that need is already being met, even if it’s messy or inefficient. Avoidance. Daydreaming. Overthinking. Scrolling. Staying “potential” instead of taking risks.

You may decide make tiny swaps, or go all-in and overhaul everything. Both can work. The difference isn’t the size of the change—it’s how you maintain it.

The real question is: how do you make it stick? How do you show your brain the new system is safe and still meets the needs it already knows?

Step 3: Align Your Identity with Your Goals

You show your brain the new system is safe by aligning your habits with who you believe you are—your self-image and the kind of person you want to become.

Right now, you might subconsciously see yourself as someone who’s lazy, who doesn’t manage money well, or who can’t do the skill you want to learn. 

And your brain is protecting that identity by keeping you in the behaviors that reinforce it. That’s why old habits are so sticky. 

To change, you first need to change your self-image, then align your actions with it. 

This is the be-do-have principle. 

Start by saying it. “I am someone who moves my body. I am someone who eats healthy. I am someone who reads.” Say it to people, not in a bragging way, and not in a “I’ll try” way, but in a way that shows you genuinely believe it. 

You have to first be the person you want to be in your mind. 

Then comes the “do” part. 

Mel Robbins puts this rightly when she said,  "Intentionally act like the person you want to become."

And when you align your identity with who you want to become, then act in ways that match that identity, the results follow more naturally. You don’t have to force the outcome—the “have” comes from the alignment.

At the end of it all, track your goals. It may sound cliché, but it works. The SMART approach is still one of the easiest ways to do this because it forces clarity

Follow these steps when setting your New Year’s resolutions. Come back to them. Review them. Adjust them.

And if you fail, remember this: it’s not actual failure. Don’t get discouraged. 

When you spill a bit of milk, you don’t throw away the entire glass. You wipe it up and keep going.

Don’t be afraid to start again. If things don’t work, pause and ask why, then come back here and reread this as many times as you want.

You’ve got this.